NeS2 Post 1814
In NeS2 Post 1841 Britt makes ready to move on with his life in Britt the Legend but Adélaide is upset that he plans to leave. Britt insists that he must leave to move on the Story and wandering helps to do that. Lorenzo Prime created a creature called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which the couple ask Britt to take with him to remember them by. Britt and his new pet take a ship bound for Africa where they meet the ship's captain, Kaptin Kwanza, who has an unusual accent. Suddenly the ship is attacked by a giant sea monster and they are swallowed whole. Inside they meet Pinocchio, who they decide to burn for firewood. The Flying Spaghetti Monster tickles the monster's tonsils and the beast coughs so hard that they are sent flying into the Sahara Desert. In the present Britt, now in the body of an Aetas X clone, has the Cult of X catch Antestarr and when he/she discovers that Nyneve created Antestarr, she wants to burn Antestarr to death. She eventually relents and seeks to discuss matters privately, trying to keep her true identity from the Cultists who believe she is the true oracle reborn, so she goes with Antestarr to the prayer room. There Antestarr attacks Britt but also relents and they find a common cause. Britt reveals that she was once the Main Character of her own Story and that she drove the plot. This induces Antestarr to begin planning a new scheme against the Writers by using Britt to create a sequel to his own story at the expense of the Never-ending Story. In London, Ping stops Arbiter from battling with Gwenhwyfar on orders from Twin Suns. Chronos then arrives, from Britt the Legend, to tell the NeS Heroes that the villains are all trapped in the Containment Unit in Adél's Workshop in Rome and they decide to set out. Al Ciao is frustrated because everyone seems to have forgotten that his pregnant wife, LightSide, is in danger from DarkSide. They decide to take Mecha Lou along with them so she could help LightSide when the time came. Post Britt the Legend - Chapter Twenty-Four Britt: The Legend - Chapter 24 Suddenly, the Flying Spaghetti Monster burst through the door and raged at a random invention - which happened to be a microwave with a satellite attached to it - before Lorenzo managed to react and shooed the beast-god into a corner. Lorenzo: "Sorry, he's a present from the god in my family." Britt: "Tsk, not you too! I heard enough of that from Septimus!" Lorenzo: "...Where do you think our family powers come from?" Britt: "Um... DNA?" Lorenzo: "Although I have a feeling we're forcing an anachronism into the situation, you're right. The DNA that was passed down from my god-ancestor. Minerva." Britt: "... ... ... I've spent centuries knowing that Septimus was an idiot. I'm not going to change my mind on that now, just because you think you've got a bit of evidence to prove otherwise." Adélaide: "You sound just like all the other old fossils, grandfather. Stuck in your ways. Unable to accept progress. I'm ashamed of you." Britt: "Whaaaat?" :( Adélaide: "Aww, how can I be mad at that stupid face?" Britt: "Yaaaay!" :D Lorenzo: "What will you do now, Britt?" Britt: "Well, I was thinking-- Wait, did you say my face is stupid!?" :( Adélaide: "A mere reflection of the mind, grandfather." Britt: "...Was that still an insult?" Adélaide: "You decide." Britt: "I decide to ignore you from now on. As for my plans--" He got up and stretched his body out as though he'd just woken up from a long nap. Britt: "I think I'll go for a wander." Adélaide: "There's a lovely park not far--" Britt: "I was thinking Africa." Lorenzo: "That's a long wander..." Britt: "I find my Story progresses more if I wander." Adélaide: "Well, if you take this communication device then--" Britt: "No thanks. I think I'd prefer to go au naturale as you French say." Lorenzo: "You mean naked?" Britt: "I mean natural. Nothing added." Adélaide: "But--" Britt: "Well, it was nice meeting you both! Nice to see me and Septimus left something nice for the world. You kids have fun! Bye-bye now!" Adélaide: "But--" Britt waved at the Flying Spaghetti Monster on his way out of the door. Once outside Britt breathed in deep. Another saga of his life was over and he could feel the next one beginning. Yet a sensation deep inside him began to dread. With each passing chapter he was drawing ever closer to that final page of his book. He took a single step. Adélaide: "You can't just leave like that!" Britt: "Whoa! Calm down!" Adélaide stomped up to her ancestor. Adélaide: "You just appeared in my life, turned it all upside down, and now you're just going to swan off - like you never existed!?" Britt: "Um... I guess..." Adélaide: "I won't allow it." Lorenzo: "Adél..." Britt: "Okay, okay. Look. Try to see this from my perspective. You age, I don't. I'd stand here and watch you get older with every passing second, while I remain. My own ancestor dying before me." Adélaide: "Well...." Britt: "Besides, it wouldn't be a very interesting Story if I hung around here. And no, I don't want you worrying about me all of the time. You need to move on with your own life, not hanging on for me all of the time." Lorenzo: "Why don't you at least let us do one thing for you before you go? So you'll have something to remember us by?" Britt: "Um... okay." Lorenzo Prime snapped his fingers and the Flying Spaghetti Monster yipped like a spaghetti-laden dog. Lorenzo: "Britt is your master now. Go." The Flying Spaghetti Monster floated close to Britt's head, threatening to drop pasta sauce on his shoulders. Britt: "This... really isn't necessary." Lorenzo: "You're more than welcome, Britt." Britt: "...no really. It's not necessary." Adélaide: "He'll be a nice reminder for you, grandfather!" Britt: "Urgh... fine." The Flying Spaghetti Monster yipped with delight and glowed with a godly light. Adélaide: "Just promise me that you'll visit me one day, okay?" Britt: "Okay. That I promise you." After a teary goodbye, Britt and his new-found pet-monster-god-thing departed Rome on a ship bound for Africa. The ship was a small and simple vessel so the crew were more than happy to give Britt and his spaghetti-producing beastie free passage in return for free meals and free tea every day. As Britt stood upon the deck of the ship and stared out at the receding shoreline of Italy his mind ran through all of the people he'd met, all of the people that had made up his Story so far. He glanced up to see the Flying Spaghetti Monster chasing seagulls. There was at least one he'd wished he'd never met. Kaptin Kwanza: "Oi, lad! Whatcha starin' at?" Britt: "Italy." Kaptin Kwanza: "Your homeland?" Britt had to think about that one. Britt: "Not really, no." Kaptin Kwanza: "Then why the long face? You're off on the adventure of a lifetime, my friend. Ain't nowhere more dangerous an' excitin' than Africa!" Britt: "You have a really bizarre accent for an African, captain..." Kaptin Kwanza: "Please, call me Kaptin." Britt: "Uh..." Kaptin Kwanza: "An' I've been about, friend. Well-travelled. You tend to pick up some habits when ya live like that. Y'know, Africa's a big place. Where exactly are ya plannin' ta get to?" Britt: "Just looking for somewhere... interesting." Kaptin Kwanza: "How about Burundy?" Britt: "Never heard of it." Kaptin Kwanza: "On second thoughts, that place sucks. If ya really lookin' for hardship and adventure, I guess you'll want to have a walk across the Sahara Desert. 'Course it'll kill ya." Britt: "Sounds perfect." Kaptin Kwanza: "You heard tha part about it killin' ya, right?" Britt: "That I did." Kaptin Kwanza: "Well, it's your life ya be throwin' away." Britt: "I won't die. That's the only thing I'm certain of." Kaptin Kwanza: "I heard many a man say those exact words... hey, what's your foodie beastie doin'?" Britt and the captain of the ship looked out across the water and saw the Flying Spaghetti Monster hovering suspiciously close to the surface of the ocean, as though it were teasing something beneath the murky waves. Britt: "That wasn't very subtle, Narrator." Kaptin Kwanza: "Maybe ya should reel in your wee friend..." Britt: "Yeah. Oi! S--" Before Britt could finish there was a sudden rumbling and ripples spread across the water just moments before a humongous sea-creature burst from the water like a whale, its jaws open wide. As the massive monster fell back to the ocean's surface Britt realised that the brute had eaten his new pet. Britt: "Oi! Gimme back my Flying Spaghetti Monster!" Britt angrily threw a torrent of boiling tea at the creature as its body slapped against the water. There was a low grumble as the creature submerged. Kaptin Kwanza: "I hate to say it... but I think you just made it angry." Britt: "What's the order you give when your ship is about to be eaten by a sea monster?" Kaptin Kwanza: "Um... BRACE FOR IMPACT!" Britt grabbed the nearest wooden post just moments before the ship was hurled aloft. Many of the ship's crew went tumbling off through the air as the ship span upside down. From this angle Britt could see the jaws of the beast open wide. As they did so, he spotted the glowing Flying Spaghetti Monster somewhere deeper down the throat. The little bleeder was still alive. Then. Darkness.---------- In London Arbiter runs at Gwenhwyfar at such a speed that there is a mini-sonic boom - even though he only moved a few metres - his fist comes screaming towards her face. Ping: "You're ordered to stand down, Arbiter." Everyone opens their winced eyes to find Ariter's fist mere centimetres from Gwenhwyfar's nose. Gwenhwyfar: "I could take it." Losien: "Well, I'm glad you don't have to." Arbiter: "It had best we the Lost One giving that order." Ping: "It is. He said there's more important things to be doing than chasing down one NeS Hero." Arbiter: "She's not a-- bugger it. I'm bored now anyway." Polly: "So now that distraction is out of the way, back to the re--" Chronos: "Hey guys." Polly: "Sonofa--!" Chronos: "Daughter! Thank you very much, grandmother!" Polly: "I didn't mean you, Apple." Chronos: "Chronos now, grandmother." Polly: "You're still Apple to me! And a very naughty girl to boot! Where the heck have you been all this time and you didn't even write!" Chronos: "I guess time just... got away from me?" Polly: "You control time!" Chronos: "Uh... important news interrupts!" Losien: "What is it?" Evil G: "Don't sound too eager..." Chronos: "Coordinates to a very important prison you've got to guard." Losien: "... seriously?" Chronos: "All those villains you keep having to fight?" Losien: "Yes?" Chronos: "All locked up, safe and sound, for the past... few hundred years." Everyone Else: :o She hands Losien, her 'father', a card with the coordinates to Adélaide's kitchivention room. Chronos: "I hope you kids have fun with that! See y-- wait, where's Agent Smith?" They all look blankly at each other. Evil G: "Guess we lost him." Chronos: "I give you a toy to play with and you can't even look after him! Kids today." Losien: "Don't talk to your mother that way!" Chronos: "Father..." Losien: "Debatable. Two mothers seems just fine to me." Chronos: "Your my parent, shouldn't I'' get to choose!?" 'Rachel:' "Are we seriously going to have this family dispute right ''now?" The remainder of those within Big Ben's tower emerge behind the group and approach. Emperor Pi: "Daughter." Evil G: "On the topic of family dispute, don't you have something o say, Rachel?" Rachel: "Fuq..." Emperor Pi: "That's not the kind of language I would expect from a Princess of China." Rachel: "Sorry, father." Ping: "Arbiter, maybe we should take the opportunity to vamoosh?" Arbiter: "Good idea. Potential. We will battle one day again." Gwenhwyfar: "Next time, I won't go so easy on you." Arbiter grunted and vanished, leaving a smoke trail coursing through the sky. Ping nodded towards Losien then also vanished in a cascading blur of pixels and a suspiciously 'warp pipe' sound effect. Losien: "We go to Rome!!" Evil G: "The family issues?" Losien: "Will have to wait! We have a Containment Unit full of Supervillains to find!" LightSide: "Aren't Containment Units for ghosts?" Losien: "I was thinking that. Well, Apple is my daughter!" Chronos: "I'm still here, you know? Losien: "Sorry darling. Mommy is very proud of her little girl for what she did." Chronos wore a face of pure darkness. Yet everyone could see that tiny spark of childish comfort hidden behind the mask. Even if they didn't know it was there, they do now because I told everyone. Chronos: "One day, Narrator, me and you are going to have a reckoning." Al Ciao: "Wait, you're forgetting something more important right now." Losien: "Really?" Al Ciao: "My wife." Evil G: "And we're back to family disputes." They all look at LightSide's pregnant belly. While they all know they should see a beautiful baby, instead they all see DarkSide's return. Amal: "What about... Mecha Lou?" Mecha Lou: "Huh? Do I look like a freakin' midwife!?" Amal: "We need to keep LightSide and her baby alive if possible. Isn't there some way of saving both of them with DarkSide... eating them or whatever he does?" LightSide flinches at the thought and holds her rotund stomach. Mecha Lou: "You think I'm some kind of Deus Ex Machina, here just to get you out of awkward scrapes?" They all look at Al Ciao. Mecha Lou: "Well..." They look at Miss Fire. Mecha Lou: "Twice! C'mon!" Chronos: "Actually there's a lot of crazy technology at that location. Looks like the kind of place a techno-witch like you would adore." Mecha Lou: "Sold. I'll come with you and see if I come up with any ideas on savin' the lives of the Soul Destroyer." Al Ciao: "My wife is not the Soul Destroyer! That's her alter-ego." Evil G: "Wait, how's she going help LightSide? Make robo-LightSide? Make a little robo-LightSide-baby!?" Amal: "You forget, she's not just technology-driven. She knows magic too! Maybe there's something esoterical she can do to help us." Gebohq: "Like a seance!!" Evil G facepalms, but before he knows it everyone is gossiping about a seance as they walk in the direction of Italy... Evil G: "Seriously? We're going to walk there? Shouldn't we be dealing with the remaining Potentials or something? You know, major plot point let hanging? You guys suck!" ---------- Britt the Legend Kaptin Kwanza: "I'm alive!" Britt: "Yeah... but we're inside the whale monster." Kaptin Kwanza: "I can hardly see anythin'. Is that your leg?" PinocchioPinocchio article, Wikipedia.:''' "It's my leg, Sir." '''Kaptin Kwanza: "Whoa! A talkin' puppet! What're you doin' in 'ere?" Pinocchio: "Same as you, Sir. I guess we're both tasty-looking snacks to a great whale like this." Britt: "We need a fire. Can we burn your ship, captain?" Kaptin Kwanza: "We could, but it's wet so it won't light. We need something for kindlin'..." In modern day Sahara Desert. Antestarr: "Well, you caught me. What're you going to do with me?" Britt: "I was thinking of doing a reimagining of The Temple of DoomIndiana Jones and the Temple of Doom article, Wikipedia. sacrifice scene! What do you think?" Antestarr: "I hung around Otter enough to know Indiana JonesIndiana Jones article, Wikipedia. escapes that." Britt: "I did say reimagining. Can I get some ominous chanting from you guys?" The Cult of X instantly break out into chanting. Unfortunately they weren't very well practised so they kept chanting different things, some of which sounded very pleasant and others sounded like football anthems. Britt: "I think we'll need a bit of work." Antestarr: "Yay for me." Britt: "You have a permanently deadpan voice, you know that? You sounds like you're in a perpetual state of sarcasm." Antestarr: "I was being sarcastic." Britt: "Oh right." Rob X: "Oracle... what should we call you?" Britt: "Britt-- Uh... Brittica. Brittica X." Antestarr: "Smooth." Britt: "I'm going to tattoo the words 'sarcastic tw*t' into your forehead." Antestarr: "Is that before or after you sacrifice me to the EeP?" Cult of X: "The Plot shall return." Britt: "You managed that chant!" Antestarr: "Your guys are creepier than mine." Britt: "You and your NeSferatu buddies, you mean? Why the sudden surge in activity anyway?" Antestarr: "I... I was... kind of goaded into it." Britt: "There's an old plea. 'Someone told me to do it'." Antestarr: "She's... persuasive. Her power is... intoxicating. It always was. Even before she turned me." Britt: "She?" Antestarr: "Nyneve." Britt: "Burn him." Antestarr: "What?" Rob X: "Uh... seriously?" Antestarr: "Do you know her?" Britt: "I said burn him." Britt left the room in a dark mood. The Cult of X look at each other with trepidation. Cygnus X: "I suppose we have to do as the oracle says." Rob X: "Things never used to be like this. These new oracles are just crazy..." Antestarr: "That's not really your oracle, Rob. Listen to me--" Rob X: "You don't get to talk, Antestarr. I don't like this, but you're definitely a guilty party now. We know what you've been doing. It's not helping anybody, and will only destroy the NeS further." Antestarr: "Wow. You got philosophical." Rob X: "So... do we just put him in the sun?" Cygnus X: "Won't work. He's too old now." Rob X: "Uh... anyone got a lighter?" Britt: "That woman." Britt has appeared again and continued talking as though he'd never left. Britt: "Of all the NeSferatu to still be alive after all these centuries, it has to be her? And it just happens to be her protégé that murders me?" Rob X: "Eh?" Britt: "Uh... I'm talking existentially." Antestarr: "Smooth..." Britt: "Stop saying that. But seriously. I sleep, I awake and she's still alive! I mean I even have a new bo--WHOA!?" Antestarr: "You're a woman, remember?" Britt: "Wow. I... forgot..." Britt stands staring down at herself robed-body. The Cult of X shift uneasily. Britt: "What is it called when you're attracted to yourself?" Antestarr: "Britt...ica. Why don't we talk about this? Sounds like you and I share a similar thorn in our sides." Britt: "You killed me." Rob X: "What?" Britt: "I meant my previous clone..." Antestarr: "Bygones be bygones. I trusted you when you inhabited my body and you betrayed me, remember?" Rob X: "You did?" Britt: "Can you stop listening into our private conversation, please?" Antestarr: "There must be an office around here?" Maxim X: "I don't think letting him go would be a good idea." Britt: "I'm wise to him now, X-guy. Besides, if there's one thing I'm certain of. I won't die." Antestarr: "But you did." Britt: "I'm standing here aren't I?" Antestarr: "Point." Britt: "Take him to my office." Rob X: "You don't have an office." Britt: "... what do I have?" Rob X: "Bedroom?" Britt: "Whoa! No way! That's totally gross!" Cygnus X: "There's a prayer room? The oracle can pray to Plot in peace." Britt: "Let's go there then." Britt: The Legend The fire burned brightly and the two men huddled close to keep warm. From the pile of wood, Britt could still see a wooden leg poking out. Britt: "I think I'll be traumatised by those screams for the rest of my life." Kaptin Kwanza: "Needs must, my friend! If you're going to brave the desert, you need a stronger stomach." Britt: "Still think we'll get there?" Kaptin Kwanza: "I have no ship, no crew. You owe me at least an adventure." Britt: "I was thinking more about our immediate situation." Kaptin Kwanza: "I'm sure an opportunity will present itself." The Flying Spaghetti Monster, glowing with godly light in the darkness, began tickling the innards of the whale's gullet with his spaghetti limbs. The walls vibrate. Kaptin Kwanza: "You see?" Britt: "I have a bad feeling about this." The walls of the gullet vibrate more forcibly as the spaghetti works its magic. Next minute there is an almighty cough and Britt found himself whirling through the sky at an incredible speed. He slapped his hands over his eyes at the impending pain he knew he was going to feel as his descending body encroached upon he land. ---------- Some hours later Britt jolted awake as a voice cried out. Kaptin Kwanza: "I'm alive!" Britt: "I guess pain means alive... right?" Kaptin Kwanza: "I hope so, my friend. Or else Heaven sucks." Kaptin helped Britt get to his feet before he dusted down his own sea-faring garb. Britt was instantly assaulted by the Libyan heat and had to throw his fancy Italian jacket to the ground and unfastened the cravatte around his neck. While Britt felt he would die in so few clothes, Kaptin seemed immune to the heat despite wearing a long and heavy velvet jacket. He whipped out a telescope and surveyed their surroundings. Kaptin Kwanza: "What a coincidence. Looks like we landed right on the edge of the Sahara Desert." The stare out at the expanse of sand like a never-ending beach. Britt: "I'm going to die." ---------- Britt: "I'm going to die!" Britt squirmed underneath Antestarr's grip about her neck. Antestarr: "That's my intention." Britt: "But-- you promised!" Antestarr: "Like I can trust you not to kill me the first chance you get." Britt: "Stop! Stop! Just stop!" Antestarr releases the oracle and slumps back against the altar of the small room. Britt scurries away from him until her back hit the opposite altar to Antestarr's. She pants and Antestarr himself looks worn out. Britt: "We need to reach some kind of accord here." Antestarr: "Agreed." Britt: "Pinky promise. We won't kill each other." Antestarr: "Pinky promise... are you serious?" Britt: "Pink promise!" They lock pinkies and there's a creepy snap crackle between the two of them that shocks their fingers. Antestarr: "Yeowch!" Britt: "Pinky promise is totally binding by the laws of the universe." Antestarr: "If you say so. If we're not going to kill each, what are we going to do?" Britt pouts in thought. Then she catches Antestarr's eye. Britt: "NO! I'M A MAN IN HERE! STOP IT!" Antestarr: "I wasn't--! Just wandering eyes! Can't be helped! Besides you keep looking at yourself!" Britt: "I'm allowed! It's mine!" Antestarr: "Alright. New accord. You need more concealing clothing. Are you listening?" Britt snaps her head up again. Britt: "What? Breasts? Yes?" Antestarr: "Why are you here, Britt? What's the point of you?" Britt: "What do you mean? We're here because we're supposed to be working things out." Antestarr: "I meant in the more universal sense. Why are you here? Why do you exist?" Britt: "That's not very nice." Antestarr: "You show up out of the blue. Random Character from nowhere. No purpose. No meaning. That's how I could kill you. But you are based on a Writer. I can sense it." Britt: "You seem awfully educated on metaphysical realms, Antestarr." Antestarr: "I am very well educated on them, actually!" Britt: "No, awfully means very... Britishism. Forget it. What's your point?" Antestarr: "I killed you. You came back. Why? Why are you important enough to return? Did your Writer take a renewed shine to you?" Britt: "So I guess NeSferatu don't inherit the memories of those they drink from... I had my very own Story. Before this... Never-ending Story there was me. Britt: The Legend. I was the plot before this plot existed." Antestarr: "You were the plot?" Britt: "I was The Plot." Antestarr smiles. And not a very nice smile. In fact, it's downright cruel looking. Malicious. Nasty. Antestarr: "I'll do something cruel, malicious and nasty to you in a minute, Narrator." Britt: "I hated the Narrator of my Story too." Antestarr: "Some things never change." Britt: "What are you smiling at?" Antestarr: "Would you care to be... The Plot again?" Britt: "But my Story ended, Antestarr. It's over." Antestarr: "Britt: The Legend... Part II?" Britt: "Corny." Antestarr: "Britt: The Never-ending Story." Britt: "Getting there." Antestarr: "Wait. I get it now. The reason you're back. Britt: The Ever-ending Plot." References External References Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post